


A Study of Dragons & Bagginses

by darth_stitch



Category: Lord of the Rings (Movies), Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor, John Watson is Bilbo Baggins, M/M, Other, Sherlock is a Dragon, Smauglock, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-29
Updated: 2012-06-29
Packaged: 2017-11-08 19:37:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darth_stitch/pseuds/darth_stitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or 20 Random Things About Having Middle Earth's Only Consulting Dragon and Resident Hobbit Adventurer as Flatmates.  Crackfic to infinity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Study of Dragons & Bagginses

**Author's Note:**

> I plan to make this a series and maybe, just maybe, I will end up slashing the dragon and the hobbit somehow. Don't ask how. I'm not sure yet. But I'm sure it will be completely cracked, Stitch-style. :)

**A Study of Dragons & Bagginses**  
by Darth Stitch  
 **DISCLAIMER TO SAVE MY SOUL FROM GOING TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET (Uh-oh, maybe it's too late!):** Sherlock BBC was brought to us by Steven Moffat & Mark Gatiss, who wouldn't have been able to bring on this awesome were it not for the fertile imagination of one Arthur Conan Doyle.  J.R.R. Tolkien owns The Hobbit and the legendarium of the Lord of the Rings and a good part of my soul.  :)

If y'all think I came up with this on my own, you are all cracked, the lot of you. :P  

**WARNING:** I write slash and I can't help but make slashy references (even here, Ceiling Cat help us all).  If it's not what floats your boat, RUN AWAY NOW.  Also, please put tongue firmly in cheek and leave canon at the door (mostly).  Hehe.  And again, crack, crack, crack. 

************

1.  It is easiest to suppose that a great hero killed the Dragon Sherlock Smaug the Magnificent and a lot neater to tie the story up in that way.   The truth, however, is far stranger.

2.  If pressed to admit it, the Dragon was bored.  Sitting on a pile of treasure and going about collecting more can get boring and tedious after so many centuries. And there are just so many experiments an enterprising Dragon can make with gems and dragon fire and all that. 

3.  John Bilbo Watson Baggins was the most _interesting_ creature he'd met in ages.  Dwarves were mostly concerned about their love of delving into the deep, dark places of the world and creating beautiful things out of the mithril, gold and gems that they found.  Elves were all about their trees and their songs and tales.  Mortal men had short memories, short lives but with the most ridiculous propensity for making said short lives even shorter with their restless natures.  But the promise of wealth could corrupt them all equally. 

4.  Sherlock Smaug was absolutely enthralled with how this little Hobbit managed to stop Men, Dwarves and Elves in their tracks and tried to bring about a sensible conclusion to what was going to be, a truly spectacular war over treasure.  True, he wasn't entirely successful but it was fascinating all the same.  Far more wonderful than the hoard he'd managed to accumulate over the aeons. 

5.  Of course, Sherlock was not about to admit that.  Far better to simply state that he was _bored._

6.  It was a cause of great comment in the neighborhood that Mr. Baggins came home not just with a fabulous treasure, but with a _dragon_ in tow.  

"He won't eat us, will he?" was the general question.  And it was most loudly asked by Bilbo's obnoxious relatives, the Sackville-Bagginses.

Sherlock sniffed disdainfully.  "I care little for the taste of hobbit.  But perhaps for you I may make an exemption."

The Sackville-Bagginses stopped visiting Bag End after that.

7.  Gandalf the Grey was nonplussed at the notion of his friend keeping company with a dragon, of all things.   But this was Bilbo and there was that touch of Tookishness in him after all and it just reinforced his often-expressed opinion that "Hobbits are truly remarkable creatures." 

8.  In the back of his mind, he was greatly concerned about the Ring that Bilbo had found and thought, quite privately, that perhaps it would be most beneficial to have a dragon protecting the Shire.

9.  Sherlock was prepared to give the Wizard a piece of his mind about that, having cleverly deduced Gandalf's thoughts on the matter.  But Gandalf had the audacity to chuckle gently at him and raise those bushy brows in Bilbo's direction and then a simple eloquent handwave that gestured at the peaceful, quiet place that was the Shire. 

10\. And the Dragon considered that it was in his best interest to assume some responsibility in protecting the Shire.  It wouldn't do to lose Bilbo after all - mortals were such fragile creatures. 

11.  Bilbo was quite fond of Balin and the Dwarf equally fond of the brave little Hobbit.  So it was only fitting that Balin, enlisting the help of Gloin and the other survivors of the Quest of Erebor, helped him out by digging deeper into Bag End to create an entrance and chamber for one fussy, persnickety Dragon.  Thus, while Sherlock opted to doze in the sunshine around the entrance of Bag End in fine weather, he now had his own hobbity-themed dragon hole for winter.

12\. It was quite cozy, to say the least, having a Dragon for company during the Winter Months. 

13.  Sherlock was the only one who called Bilbo by his never-used first name, "John."  Most people had forgotten it.  Bilbo will never admit this, but he rather liked the sound of his name in the Dragon's deep, resonant baritone, which was once described by one of his Tookish cousins as a "dragon hiding in a cello."  Whatever that meant. 

14.  Drogo and Primula Baggins, recently married, were two of Bilbo's favorite relatives.  It was Primula who actually went and knitted Sherlock a lovely navy blue dragon-sized scarf, fussing that "Sherlock needed something nice for Yule."  It looked perfect against his scarlet scales.  Valar help them all, but Sherlock preened and wore that scarf as if it were made of the finest silk. 

15.  Bilbo found that Dragons favored a nice pot of tea, sweet honey cakes and blueberry muffins. 

16.  Sherlock found that Hobbits were terribly fond of mushrooms and were as bad as dragons hoarding wealth when it came to acquiring said mushrooms. 

17.  Bilbo also learned that the best way to keep Dragons occupied were to present him with puzzles.  And books.  And mysteries and gossip around the neighborhood and generally speaking, Sherlock, for all his seeming arrogance and indifference to "trifles," was terribly interested in the goings-on of the Shire.  It was the Dragon, in fact, who'd deduced that the Sandymans who were responsible for the Widow Rumble's missing apples. 

"Bit of not good," was Bilbo's comment. 

The Sandymans weren't very popular in Hobbiton, mainly because of their general bad tempers and disagreeable natures. 

18.  Of course, _common_ neighborhood mysteries were not going to keep certain inquisitive, nosy Dragons occupied for long.

19.  To this day, Elrond Half-Elven stoutly maintains that it was all Gandalf's fault that all of Rivendell was thrown into an uproar upon the visit of one Dragon and one Hobbit.  It wasn't the Hobbit that was the problem.  Typically, Bilbo was an agreeable creature although Elrond could plainly see the nerves of steel and solid Hobbit-sense that stood him in good stead during the Quest of Erebor.  Sherlock was another matter entirely. 

It did not help that the Twins were absolutely _delighted_ to be dragged along in solving Rivendell mysteries.  Neither did it help that young Estel was absolutely _enchanted_ by having a Dragon and a Hobbit as house guests and Bilbo was rather a good storyteller when it came to adventures. 

20.  There was a perfectly good reason why Gandalf thought it would be a fantastic idea to have Bilbo and Sherlock present at Rivendell for a season.  It had everything to do with young "Estel" and the threats surrounding his life.  Gandalf was as good as any at putting together bits of information but he had to admit even he was not omniscient.  Hence, the need of the services of Middle Earth's Only Consulting Dragon and Hobbit Adventurer.

Of course, what happened next is a story for another time....  

*****

**Author's End Notes:** OMG.  Like I said, I'm going to end up writing Smaug-lock and John-Bo stories to infinity, y/y?   
 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Tumblr Crackfic Epic AU: A Study of Dragons and Bagginses (The Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/523817) by [darth_stitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darth_stitch/pseuds/darth_stitch)




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